April 25, 2017
Food, food, food. We need it to live, yet it feels like it’s killing me. Everything I eat hurts my stomach, it seems. The things I can eat seems to be consumed too fast and there’s never enough.
I hate food.
What an inconvenience it is.
It takes time to decide what I can eat and then what I feel like eating from the small selection of what I can eat. Then it takes time to fix or prepare that food that I’ve decided to eat of the group of foods I can eat.
By the time I’ve finished preparing and eating it, it seems as though it’s time for another meal.
Sometimes it seems like such a hassle to do this whole process, so I decide to simply not eat. That in itself causes a huge spiraling array of issues.
When I decide that I don’t feel up to eating, my mood alters and I start to go downhill. Naturally, anyone that is hungry is going to become irritable and snappy. But with fibro and me, it doesn’t stop at hangry (hungry and angry).
A headache starts to form at the same time pains develop in my stomach. This reminds me that not eating is stupid and is going to cause more issues than I feel like dealing with. So, I begin the daunting process of searching for food I can eat. But now it’s not as “easy” as before. Because now not only do I have to find something to eat that I can eat, but it has to be something I can make fast.
Oh, yeah, and when I get like this, I’m limited even more because now I’m so hungry and with stomach pains that I feel like I could vomit. And all food becomes disgusting and revolting. A this point I have to find something that won’t hurt my stomach or cause headaches AND it has to be something I can force myself to eat and not vomit.
Or I could just skip the whole process and go to bed crying because I feel like I can’t take being me anymore. And decide I need a vacation from me which is both joyful and sorrow.
That is how I feel right now. It is rare to get these moments, but here they are anyways.
Disclaimer: Please understand that everyone is different in their journey with fibromyalgia and/or chronic illness. This is my journey, my stories, my vulnerability to share with you in order to help in some way. It is in no way to compare my journey with yours or to minimize your pains, feelings, or experiences. Please do not comment with any negativity.